


hoodie

by PlayerTwoHeere



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Apologies, Cheating, Flashbacks, Implied sexual acts, Jeremy’s an angry bab, M/M, Memories, Mentions of alcohol, Michael’s just trying to explain himself, Pain, angry, based on the song by hey violet, mentions of self harm, oH MY GOD JEREMY CALM DOWN
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-06
Updated: 2018-03-06
Packaged: 2019-03-27 21:52:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13889862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlayerTwoHeere/pseuds/PlayerTwoHeere
Summary: Flashes of little memories appear- Michael laughing, smiling, his reaction when Jeremy came out to him, every kiss the two had shared. Being able to come home and see him in the hoodie, waking up before him and seeing him peacefully asleep. Wrapping his arms around Michael from behind, putting his hands in the hoodie’s pockets, kissing his cheek. Jeremy on top of Michael, pulling it off of him, tossing it on the floor in a heap before kissing him again. Then it all takes a turn. The hoodie on the floor, but not tossed by Jeremy this time. Watching Michael asleep, but there’s another person there with him. An all too familiar person, lying where Jeremy usually did, the red streak in his hair standing out against the sheets.orMichael accidentally cheats on Jeremy and leaves his hoodie behind





	hoodie

The door opens into the dark hallway of the house they used to share. Jeremy Heere steps inside, closing the door behind him. He leans against it, his head hitting it with a small thud. Everything hurts, nothing is going right. He just stands there, staring at the ceiling, taking shaky breaths. After a while, he pushes himself off of it, not bothering to turn the lights on. 

Jeremy hates this house. It reminds him so much of him, even if he hadn’t lived there in almost two months. Jeremy goes up to the bedroom, feeling empty. Everything of his was emptied out, gone, just like he was. Except one thing.

Jeremy opens the closet, pulling off his clothes from work until he’s in just a t-shirt and boxers. The closet is big enough for two people- in more way than one, he always used to joke. Jeremy digs through his own clothes, all the way to the back, until he pulls it out. 

Jeremy knows it’s positively pathetic. It’s worse than that, it’s psychotic. He should have gotten rid of it the second he saw it. But he can’t help but hope that he’ll come back for it. The cigarette burns scattering the cuffs, the patches are faded. The ones he got for himself, the ones Jeremy got for him, all of them. He shuts his eyes, pulling the red hoodie over his head. It slips over his shoulders, hanging loose, almost halfway down the thighs. He lifts the sleeve- again, too long, covering all the way to his fingertips- and inhales.

The memories wash over him, and he falls back on the bed, letting them. Michael’s face flashes behind his eyelids. It’s so vivid, Jeremy can almost smell him, feel him, as if he’s right there. 

Flashes of little memories appear- Michael laughing, smiling, his reaction when Jeremy came out to him, every kiss the two had shared. Being able to come home and see him in the hoodie, waking up before him and seeing him peacefully asleep. Wrapping his arms around Michael from behind, putting his hands in the hoodie’s pockets, kissing his cheek. Jeremy on top of Michael, pulling it off of him, tossing it on the floor in a heap before kissing him again. Then it all takes a turn. The hoodie on the floor, but not tossed by Jeremy this time. Watching Michael asleep, but there’s another person there with him. An all too familiar person, lying where Jeremy usually did, the red streak in his hair standing out against the sheets. Jeremy chokes back a sob, pressing his face into the sleeve.

It’s the shouting he remembers the most. Michael’s angry face as he lashes out, the words feeling like knives. Blaming Jeremy for telling him to invite Rich over, for his anxiety, for him needing to get drunk, for everything. Then what Jeremy said, the words coming out just like the tears that were streaming down his face. “IF YOU BLAME ME THAT MUCH, JUST LEAVE.” He wants to take it back the second he says it, but the anger and hurt doesn’t let him.

In Michael’s haste to leave, he left the hoodie on the floor. It’s the only thing Jeremy was left with, after he gave Michael everything. After so many years together, both as a couple and not, he just left him. Jeremy sobs. 

Michael picked up his things from the doorstep two weeks later. Jeremy kept the hoodie in his closet on purpose, in the wild hope he’d remember and come back. But Jeremy hasn’t even seen him since then. 

He curls on his side, shaking, crying. It’s all his fault, he wasn’t good enough. He realizes he’s chewing on the hoodie strings. It doesn’t even matter anymore, Michael isn’t coming back for it. He’s been sleeping in it for almost a month now. It makes him think of him- sometimes, like tonight, the awful things. The screaming, the cheating, the leaving. But sometimes, he lets himself think of the good ones. The hugs, the laughs, the butterfly kisses, the goodnight texts. 

Jeremy falls asleep, curled in a ball, hoodie string in his mouth. He wakes to the doorbell. He looks groggily at the clock, realizing he only slept for half an hour. The doorbell rings again and drags himself out of bed. He looks like hell, he knows, his eyes red from crying, his hair a mess. But no one ever rings the doorbell unless they’re door to door salesmen or Jehovah’s Witnesses, who won’t go away until he answers it. His friends all have keys to the house. 

He makes his way down the stairs and pulls the door open, leaning against the frame, just before the man outside reaches out to ring the doorbell again. “I don’t want whatever you’re sell-“ His voice dies in his throat, the string of the hoodie falling from his mouth. 

The first thing he notices about Michael is the fact that nothing has changed. He isn’t sure what he expected him to look like- happier, maybe. Now that Jeremy hasn’t talked to him in months, he must be happier. But he’s obviously not, with his shoulders slumped and his hands in his pockets. 

Michael clears his throat. “Hey, Jeremy.” He hasn’t looked at Jeremy yet, staring at his feet. “I, uh, wanted to…” He looks up at Jeremy, who can’t seem to move. Everything about this is wrong. Whenever he actually imagined Michael coming and apologizing, Jeremy had been wearing his normal clothes, not his hoodie and boxers, and he hadn’t just been sobbing. His tongue actually worked in his fantasies. 

Michael looks upset, then confused, then worried. “Jeremy?” His voice is so quiet and Jeremy still can’t say anything. Instead he just peels the hoodie off of himself and holds it out to Michael, standing there in his boxers and shirt. 

Michael looks down at it, then back up at Jeremy, not taking it. Jeremy finally chokes out a single sentence. “Take it and g-go.” His voice catches on the last word, and he curses at himself in his head. He wasn’t supposed to let him know how much he missed him. If Michael did come back, he was supposed to pretend he didn’t care. It’s what he had told himself time and time again: if he doesn’t care, why should I? But he did care, too much. Which is why he was holding out the hoodie to Michael, so he could take what he wanted and leave without too much fuss. 

“Jeremy, I-“ Jeremy pushes it at him again, and Michael steps back, away from it. 

“It’s what you came back for, isn’t it? Just take it.” Jeremy feels a lump start in his throat, and he tells himself not to cry. He doesn’t look at Michael.

“I didn’t come back for it, Jeremy.” Michael says, looking at him confused. He notices the tears, the messed up hair, the slight shaking in his hands that are holding the hoodie out to him. “Are you alright?”

Jeremy feels the anger he was keeping down well up inside him, and he doesn’t even bother making an effort to keep from exploding. “Oh, I’m just fine. My boyfriend just cheated on me with one of my best friends and didn’t talk to me for two months. Two fucking months, Michael.” Jeremy bites his tongue. His head snaps up for him to glare at Michael. 

“Jer, I didn’t me-“ Michael looks so pathetic, so upset, but Jeremy doesn’t care. How many times did Michael leave Jeremy looking like that? Every night for the past two months, that’s the expression Jeremy saw on his own face when he looked in the mirror.

“Don’t call me that.” He says shortly, cutting him off. “You don’t deserve to do that anymore, Mikey.” He spits out, stepping closer to Michael, who looks scared. “Or does Rich call you that now?” 

Michael steps back, his hands up as if trying to calm down a wild animal. “Look, Jeremy, I came to apolo-“

“I DON’T WANT YOUR FUCKING APOLOGY, MICHAEL! NOT NOW, NOT AFTER TWO MONTHS. IF YOU ACTUALLY WERE SORRY, YOU’D HAVE SAID SOMETHING!” He didn’t even realize he was shouting. He shoves the hoodie into Michael’s hands, pushing him away from him. Jeremy can feel the tears streaming down his face, and he’s shaking again. 

Michael stumbles backwards, clutching at the hoodie. “Jeremy, please, let me explain myself, please don’t cry.” Michael says, almost begging. “I promise, I was drunk, I didn’t mean to do that, it wasn’t my-“

“THAT MAY BE TRUE, BUT IT DOESN’T EXPLAIN THE SILENCE! I WAITED FOR YOU, MICHAEL.” Jeremy says, stepping back, still feeling tears. “I waited, and I waited. Every night, every day, I waited.” He’s stopped yelling, but somehow this is even worse. His voice is quiet, but its so charged with emotion, Michael winces.

“I’m sorry, okay? I was afraid you’d be too mad at me to respond.” Michael says, staring right back at Jeremy. “I guess I was right. You won’t even let me explain myself.” His voice shakes with repressed emotion, maybe anger. Jeremy isn’t sure.

“You cheated on me, Michael. I don’t care if you were fucking drunk, it may have excused it if you hadn’t screamed at me, hadn’t left.” Jeremy says, gesturing widely with his hands. “If you hadn’t-“

Then Michael catches his wrist, turning it over to expose his forearm. Jeremy sees the dark markings there, the small bruises in the shapes of his nails, one of them covered with a bandaid, stained with dried blood. He had forgotten they were there. “Jeremy. What the hell is this.” Michael seems upset, almost angry. Jeremy wrenches his arm out of Michael’s grasp.

“You. Weren’t. Here.” Jeremy says, every word almost forcing itself out. He clenches his fists, shaking. “I was alone, every goddamn night. It was going to happen eventually, so I stopped trying to fight it.” He steps back, further into the house. “But I suppose you weren’t alone all this time.” He’s surprised by how venomous his own voice sounds. “You didn’t spend your nights by yourself, did you? Not that night. And how many after it?”

“None, Jer- emy.” Michael says, the hoodie hanging at his side. “I was too afraid to come back, I thought you wouldn’t love me anymore. I fucked up, thought you’d be better off without me.” 

Jeremy feels a pain in his chest. “Yeah, it was totally because you blamed yourself. Not at all because you blamed me.” His words drip with sarcasm, and he starts to shut the door. “Goodbye, Michael. Just leave me alone.”

Michael shoves his foot between the door and the frame. “Jeremy, just listen to me!” He pushes the door open. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. I was drunk, and you know how I get. You were at work, and Rich was there and he was drunk too, and one thing led to another and I’m sorry!” His voice sounds so desperate Jeremy can’t close the door. “I didn’t mean to lash out at you, I don’t really blame you. I promise, Jeremy, it was just my hangover talking, not me.” 

Something Michael said earlier hits Jeremy like a sucker punch to the gut- which he knows a little too well how they feel. “You thought I wouldn’t love you anymore?” He says, his voice coming out a lot higher and quieter than he wants.

“Come on, we both know I love you more than you love me. It’s a basic fact of our relationship.” Michael says, looking at Jeremy. “And if you thought I didn’t love you anymore, well, why should you love me?”

“Don’t say that.” Jeremy says, stepping forward. “Don’t you ever say fucking that.” The tears are back. “You- You idiot. Do you think after everything we’ve been through, I would just stop loving you?”

He can feel the emotions screaming at him. “I am nothing without you, Michael. Nothing. You’re gone, and I can’t bring myself to get out of bed half of the time. I can’t even look at most of the things in the house or outside, because everything reminds me of you and the fucking hole you left in my heart when you listened to me, for once, and walked away.” His voice is steadily rising. “I waited for you. Every day I waited by the phone for you to call, waited for the doorbell to ring, waiting waiting waiting. Eventually I just gave up.”

“And became a shut-in.” Michael interrupts. “Shutting down your phone. Ignoring all your friends. Never leaving the house unless it was to go to work or to get food. Even then, you barely left.” He looks down at Jeremy. “You’re even thinner than usual.”

“Not like you’d care.” Jeremy spits out, wrapping his arms around himself. 

“Jeremy, shut the hell up.” Jeremy’s head snaps up. He opens his mouth to retort angrily, but Michael’s hand covers his mouth. “No, shut up. I mean it. I do care. I just thought you would be better off without me. Now that I’m thinking about it, I was being stupid and selfish and a coward.” Jeremy tries to speak again, trying to pull away Michael’s hand, but Michael looks at him sternly. “I’m not done. Even though I’m admitting that doesn’t mean I’m the only one at fault, Jeremy. We both fucked up. I get that now. But I’m willing to forgive you if you’re willing to forgive me.” 

Silence fills the void between them. Michael’s hand drops away from Jeremy’s mouth, but he wants to catch it and press a kiss to his knuckles. A few seconds pass, and Jeremy isn’t sure what to say. His mind is blank, and he just stares at Michael for a second.

Michael Mell. The boy who had been there for him almost every step of his life- fifteen years of it. From bullies to grades to his mom to the squip, Michael was always the one that was there. Now that he was made to live without him, Jeremy realized just how much he needed him. God, he missed him. 

“I…” He clears his throat, feeling something there. “I forgive you.” His eyes are locked with Michael’s, and he’s reminded how beautiful they are behind his glasses frames, chocolate brown. “Will you…” He glances down at the hoodie, then back at Michael. “Will you have me back? Will you let me have a second chance?” 

Michael’s face breaks out into a grin, and suddenly Jeremy’s wrapped in his arms in the tightest hug he’s felt in a long time. “I missed you, Jer.” Michael whispers into his hair. 

Jeremy smiles, but he can’t respond very well. “D-dude, I can’t breathe.” Michael quickly loosens his grip, and Jeremy sighs. 

“I missed you too, Micah.” He leans his head on Michael’s chest, listening to his heartbeat. After a minute, he pulled away.

“Michael, I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean t-to-“ His words were cut off by a light, sweet kiss from Michael, and he melts, forgetting the world exists for a few minutes, just enjoying the feeling of Michael’s lips on his.

Jeremy was messed up, he was broken. But he had Michael back by his side, and that was all that really mattered.

**Author's Note:**

> hello and thanks for reading!! if you enjoyed this, you should go read my story, In His Eyes, written with my friend, PlayerOneMell!


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